Basically, we hear about the “glass of water” from relatives and friends who waited for not to wait until we have children. As if the only reason for their birth is a glass of water in old age. But few people know that this statement is actually about mercy, about compassion, about spiritual intimacy.
“Why do you need children?” -” so that there was someone to serve a glass of water in old age!” – answers popular wisdom. Her voice is so loud https://sportcareplus.nl/nieuws/ that sometimes it does not give us (both parents and children) to hear our own answer to the question asked.
“A glass of water in question in Russian culture was part of the farewell ritual: it was put at the head of the dying man, so that the soul was washed and went,” says the family psychotherapist Igor Lyubachevsky, “he symbolized not so much physical assistance as manifestation of mercy, as a manifestation of mercy.The decision to be near a person in the last hours of his life “. We are not against mercy, but then why this saying so often causes irritation?
1. Reproductive pressure
These words, addressed to a young couple, metaphorically indicate the need to give birth to a child, regardless of whether they have such a desire and opportunity, – the family psychotherapist replies. -Instead of a sincere conversation-cliche-requirement. It is completely incomprehensible from whom it is generally emanating! But the young as if they must obey. The saying about a glass of water depreciates the intentions of potential parents and becomes a manifestation of reproductive violence. And, like all violence, it will be more of rejection and protest than consent. “.
2. A sense of responsibility
This phrase often plays the role of a family installation. “You are the one who gives me a glass of water in old age!” – such a message makes a child a hostage to an adult. In fact, this is a veiled order “Live for me”, translates “from parental to Russian” Igor Lyubachevsky. Who will be able to rejoice at the fact that he is sentenced to provide the needs of another, and even a “higher”?
3. A reminder of death
An unobvious but no less significant reason for the negative attitude to the “glass of water in old age” is that modern society reluctantly recalls that life is not infinite. And what we are trying to keep silent about is overgrown with fears, myths and, of course, stereotypes, which replaces a frank discussion of the problem.
But the problem does not go anywhere: from a certain point, our elders need care and at the same time are afraid of their powerlessness. Bitterness and pride, whims and irritability accompany the participants in this drama.
Each of them becomes a hostage of a stereotype about a glass of water: some are waiting for it, others seem to be required to provide at the first request and without intermediaries
“The aging of parents is at the same time growing up children. The hierarchy inside the family is changing: we should become parents to his mothers and dads, ”the psychotherapist explains the dynamics of the conflict. – Those whom we considered the strongest suddenly become “small”, needing.
Without their experience and relying on social rules, children surrender to care and forget about their own needs. Parents either protest or “hang” on the child to share loneliness and fear of death with him. Both get tired, as well as hide and suppress anger at each other “.
We summarize
Everyone has their own fears, their own pain. How can we help each other and keep love during a change of roles? “It is not necessary to spend all your free time at the relative’s bed or deal with medical issues on their own. Children and parents can determine the boundaries of their own capabilities and delegate part of the tasks to specialists. And to be for each other simply loving, close people, ”Igor Lyubachevsky sums up.